How vacation flings can improve your love life at home

BY ONEIKA RAYMOND

Why I think romantic encounters on vacay can upgrade your dating life once the trip’s over.

I know what you’re thinking– as someone who’s been in a relationship for the better part of a decade(!!) I have absolutely NO business talking about dating and mating.

But that’s where you’d be wrong.

Because once upon a time, before I was a happily married lady, I was a young nubile thing who was “single and ready to mingle”.  Especially while on my travels.  

You see, before I met my husband (fun fact: we actually met in Hong Kong, at a club, heh), I had dated across four different continents, learning the language of lust love in places like Argentina and France.   

Taking it back to 2010… At a party during our first few months of dating

And honey! Let me tell you.  I DEFINITELY lived my best life on those international dating streets–it was such an adventure!   For this reason I’m a huge proponent of vacation flings and think that everybody should have at least one over the span of their travel lives.  I even wrote a blog post with my tips for dating and mating on vacay (which you can read here).

However, despite the thrill of vacation dalliances, there are also benefits that last long after the trip ends.  So allow me to quickly walk you through why I think hooking up with someone on holiday can potentially improve your love life once you get back home!

It helps you to become clearer about what you want in a partner

When you travel, you encounter so many interesting people from so many different walks of life– people you wouldn’t have otherwise crossed paths with back home.

 Dating abroad, therefore, allows you to sample a greater proportion of what I call the PPP– the “prospective partner population”– which then in turn helps you to discern just what your deal-breakers are within the context of a relationship.  

Taking a massive leap of faith at Victoria Falls in Zambia, Africa

For example, dating that emotionally unavailable computer engineer in France (girlllllll) reinforced just how much I need to be with someone who is not only in touch with their own feelings, but also sensitive to mine.

Don’t get me wrong– dating in your hood is great! But dating while you’re on holiday lets you conduct additional (and necessary) research.  Trust me on this.

It gives you the time and space to try something new without judgement

How many times have you been afraid to date certain people because you’re self-conscious about what your friends will think?

Alternatively, how many times have you been reluctant to try certain things behind closed doors because you’re scared people in your wider circle will find out?

Fear of judgement often paralyzes us in relationships and can limit us from exploring important facets of ourselves, like our sexuality.  

Just out here living my best life in Cartagena, Colombia

As such, the anonymity of travelling lends a welcome security blanket of sorts. Without scrutiny we can let our hair down, be free, and do what we need to do to be healthy, happy, and satisfied.  

Of course, should you embark on this territory, safety comes first, so make sure you prepare yourself accordingly!

It’s great practice

If you find interacting with potential mates intimidating or nerve-wracking, dating/hooking up away from home can act as a “dress rehearsal” for the real deal once you get back.

Sometimes, my husband just blows me away. Trust me, I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find my prince!

After all, vacation dalliances are mostly low stress because nobody really expects to get married to the pool boy in Cancun, do they?

Use your encounters abroad to master the art of small talk, flirtation, and dating etiquette, so that by the time you get back home you’re a pro who’s comfortable in their own skin.

Have you ever been romantically involved with someone while you were travelling?  How did you like the experience?

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68 Comments

  • I experienced I guess my first international fling, very unexpected. Refreshing and exciting, I was taken aback and found myself saying girl get over yourself and go for it. I will agree it does help in deciding what traits or actions you do like. I’ve actually stay in touch with the person via email

    Reply
  • Hi Oneika,

    I saw that you mentioned meeting him in Hong Kong. Can you tell me about your experience living in Hong Kong as a black woman, and what was dating/finding a job/meeting new people like? I would really appreciate it.

    Warm regards,
    Adaeze

    Reply
  • Please edit your video comments on: 5 Things to know when Traveling while Black. The reply: Maybe as Blacks we need another planet has 11 replies some of which are very offensive and should be removed. Check-out the comments from “V” and “H”.

    Reply
  • This hit home because I had the possibility of a traveling romance and didn’t take the chance when I had it, but I have learned a lot from that experience. You have to say what’s on your mind when you can and just go for it, even if you are worried about the consequences or that it may not work out in the end.

    Reply
  • I am IN LOVE with your blog/lifestyle. Traveling has long been a passion and dream for me. I’ve yet to find ways to do it as often as you since I’m a single mom. But I look forward to the living in the richness of experiences travel has to offer. Thank you for inspiring me <3

    Reply
  • Hi Oneika, I came across your blog love it! Haha I liked this article! I feel you, vacation flings are cool memories and a great way to discover what you’re really after in a guy! Nice ‘practice material’ hehe! I once fell in love on an airplane, went on a tinder date that lasted for 6 weeks and more holiday flings. Still brings smiles to my face when I think of them! Hope you are well, stay healthy!

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